Just say NO to terror

Posted: November 4, 2010 in don't fight it

Got an invitation today. Yahoo someone loves me!  It came from a good mate actually.  I’m hopelessly envious of this girl.  She does all ‘ZA COOL’ things way before anyone else gets there act together or their knickers in a tight enough twist to give it a go.

She does to trends what Liberace does to diamonds, what Raquel Welch does to D cups, what Al Pacino does to Italian housewives, what David Beckham does to footballs, what George Clooney does to Italian village life and what Justin Bieber does to 14 year old female Bieberites??  (Did I get all the decades?)

She always does things that everyone  puts 5 e’s behind GEEEEE, I wish I’d done that.  But I am happy to say this time, this one time  – she’s gone too far.  Totally too much wedgey in the watermelon for this kid, not even remotely interested.

She asked me to go spelunking.

To do what?  At first I thought it was perhaps egging my friends windows – ‘no‘ she said.  Then I thought it had to do with a childhood game pulling straws out of a pile of balls – I must be ‘off my head’ she said.  ‘Look it up on Wikipedia’ (not urban dictionary!  naughty naughty).

So I did.  I am not doing that!  Jump out of planes, sure, you can see the landing waaaay down there.  Jump into something, somewhere that I do not know…

You have lost your mind!

How do people do that?  Who knows what’s down there?  There could be leftovers from Tarantino movies or outcasts from the Adam’s family, that spider from Lord of the Rings, maybe Jason is camped down there playing with something … from the beyond?

There is a reason the British call it ‘potholing’ – you have to be a complete pothead and off your head to willingly scare the Bejesus out of yourself.   A rush is one thing but terror down some cave, and self-inflicted terror at that, is totally different.

Not wanting to be a coward I coolly mumbled I was going to kick some D cups with Al Pacino at David Beckham’s new stadium in Clooney town.  I wasn’t incoherently terrified it was just that my imagination had taken control of my mouth.

So if terrified just mumble the trappings of your imagination and everyone will back off.  Works for parking tickets and gas meter readers too.

Thanks to Paris for the illegal down under photo.  Not Hilton sooo far from Hilton

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Comments
  1. Mike says:

    I have always wanted to go spelunking! You run up Mount Fuji where people are known to be heavily injured or perish…more than once, but you won’t go into a deep dark dungeon-esque environment. At least you know you could run away from whatever big bads turn up! 🙂

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