The best laid plans of mice and men…

Posted: November 11, 2010 in don't fight it
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I feel I have to explain partially the last blog – 50  Waaheeyyy.

It all relates back to the saying above and everyone knows that as soon as someone says that phrase, a condescending or sympathetic glaze crosses the speaker’s eyes as you feel the undertow taking your aspirations to drown them.

It is the gloomy moment of ‘Oh dear I smell it too.’  You glance at the sole of your shoe and ‘Yup’ you stepped in it.  But before treading into the muck of it all I’ve always wondered what the mice in the above phrase look like.  (It’s mice – not mouse, so there is a pack of the feisty little buggers!)

Research at upward gravity from the second floor (there is obviously no ground floor – think about it – there would be no one there – geez) has shown that it is in fact a gang of three.  Roberta, whom we head hunted from the program Criminal Minds, prior to that she was Gil Grisham’s advisor on CSI but left because they never gave her a speaking role, is an adept criminal profiler and has developed a composite on the three felons.

A clear visual wax mock-up image is not available because Tony, Roberta’s hot hunky boyfriend who is a pastry chef, made her brulees in the lab and after he caramelized them Roberta was overcome with her hot sugar boyfriend – which led to passionate groping, petting, etc yada yada yada.  ANYWAY the torch for the sugar was facing the model – now we have only a puddle, no model, BUT we still have words!!

The leader of the gang, code named Morris, is Atypical.  Sure he is a common white lab mouse with pink tail and nose but there the sweetness stops. He is ruthless in his pursuit of dreams.  He bores into them with a rancid disregard for others.  He is distinguished by his long hair flowing down between his cauliflower ears (he was a rugby rat in his youth) and tied in a ponytail below his fedora.  He is a snappy dresser.  Typically he wears a blue striped suit, well-cut, always Italian, with pale fashionable pink shirt (too wide collar wings).  The blue fedora with white band is always tipped to the right.  His cologne is Gouda

Second to him is Angelique.  She is the love interest and is the cause of the constant conflict that leads to the ‘Vic’s’ dream breakdown.  Angelique, which we believe is an alias, has the curves that bind.  She is a blend of the American Pet store plaything and the Asian Vamp rat.  She is totally irresistible to any member of the rodent underworld.  Think Marilyn Monroe in beige Gucci suede on all fours.  Her fragrance is Lust Red Leicester.

Morris’ rival for her affections is Yoshu.  Yoshu is the dark underbelly of the rat world.  Loyal to no one but himself, he lusts for Angelique and is the rodent who tosses in the wrench that screws up the best laid plans.  Having crawled from the Japanese Yakuza sewer world he is heavily tattooed except for his four feet and face.  His tail has a cobra image.  He is not a flash dresser like Morris but is devoted to pursuing Angelique like a fly in the French sun circling melting Brie.  His scent is Slasher stilton.

When Morris picks the mark and then encircles the plans he does a detailed recon of the aspirations with the gorgeous Angelique, who is always on his arm.  But it is Yoshu who sabotages the situation invariably leading to a cavalcade of ‘unforseens’ and leaving the Vic devastated by the ensuing mayhem that engulfs their plans.  It is at this time that the three pranksters are able to unite in glee.  Typically they will find a locale near the distraught Vic and kick back with a Cinzano and seven in one hand a nibble of aged Canadian cheddar in the other while they watch the Vic’s plans unravel.

Well… the threesome hit our hood and the unraveling ensued.

So rather than be on our way to Italy in our beloved Karmann Ghia we find ourselves under cover in Barcelona but more on that later.  We are off to the Sagrada Familia today.

But beware – when the MAY MAY gang: (Marvin, Angelique and Yoshu) hit your plans – it won’t be just AWOL / Tits up/ or pear shaped –  it’ll be



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