Well sad to say I’m totally Bucked Off

Posted: December 5, 2010 in don't fight it
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The pudgy little guy in robes was wandering around here again from two posts ago.

He wanders by as Yo and I are watching the ‘El Classico’ between Barcelona and Real Madrid and stands in front of the screen.  HUH!?  Standing in front of a football game, let alone this one, was something even our daft Great Dane knew to be suicidal. .. not from me from Yo!

We split to either side to peer around him – he craftily bent sideways to see ( and block) both of us.  We slam together to quickly peer over – he straightened up.

“MOVE!” Yo yelled.

“I have a message for the grasshopper.” His serene voice retaining a Chinese takeaway lisp.

“IT’LL BE ON YOUR TOMBSTONE!” Yo barked back.

“Calm yourself oh passionate Preying Mantis.” He wafted a milky open palm at my significant other.

This is not going well . I think about the likely damage to art work and glassware when the small man gets torn to bits by Yo and tossed about the living room.  She is definitely NO Preying Mantis (far to short and her feet – well that goes back to a post on toes, BUT the aggression factor in front of Footie games… yes I’ll give him that, he’s right there.  TOTALLY PREYING MANTIS

“Do you have a purpose or do you want to depart this life… now.” She asks though clenched teeth.

“I have a message.”

“Use bloody DHL!”

“No for him.”

I prick up my ears at a chance to diffuse my boiling Samurai Sweetheart and meekly whisper, “perhaps you could give it and go, kind of like a football 1-2 pass?”  I smile at the Preying Mantis hoping she would find the analogy amusing.  She didn’t.

The robed white bearded Confucian munchkin held out a searing finger to grill me and the bag of Doritos on my lap.  “Discipline is the horse you ride.”

The Preying Mantis whipped toward me with fire in her eyes.  I could suddenly see where the munchkin got the imagery… really clearly.  “YOU!  This is about you and that stupid diet before Christmas?”  I babbled something incoherently – fear can do that to the lips.  “Give me those Doritos and get ‘#31 Chicken Fried Rice’ the hell outta here!” She snatched the recently opened bag of Doritos from me and turned back to the game.

Thankfully the Munchkin had evaporated.  Yo was steaming.  Barcelona was winning.  And I had been told off for losing only a pound and a half in four days!!

Well back on the horse and I better lose the remaining seven pounds.

So to catch up on the twelve days of Christmas and weigh in here are the results from the last two days reaching  Day Eleven

two days ago 77.6

Yesterday 77.3


On the first day of Christmas my true love took from me,

every thing that was Hershey

On the second day of Christmas my true love took from me

two vanilla shakes

On the third day of Christmas my true love took from me

three mars bars

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love took from me

four glasses merlot

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love took from me

Five snickers bars

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love took from me

six candied apples



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